I hear you in my dream

4% raised for Spain!

I love going back and listening to past messages from church when I am at home by myself. Right now I am in the middle of the Questions series from a few months back. I never heard 2 of those messages in the first place because we were in Spain, and so I was pretty excited about it. I was shocked and somewhat upset to discover today that my podcast was missing the message from 3F from March 30th (the last message in the series). So I had to go hunt down the Cal version from the website... just as good. Just to jog the memory of those who were there- that is the weekend that Jeremy (or in this case... Cal) read cards that had questions for God on them. Well what was already an emotional week became even more so when my card was read. Now I know there is no way that the Jernigan men could know that was my card, but that night I felt like Jeremy looked right at me when he read it. Like it he knew somehow.

"God why do all of my relationships fail? Even when I feel like they are from you, they never work. Would you really give me a desire to be married and never fulfill it?"

Now- that night hearing the pain and longing that came from my own heart was unbearable. But hearing it again 4 months later, the feeling is different. I still have the same question and I still feel the same, but it is different somehow. I think now I have more faith that God is going to take care of my relationships. I am more content now with the place that He has me. There is a reason I needed to be alone and someday someone is going to love me with everything He wants for me.

It is strange and amazing how much He has changed my heart in such a short period of time. My future is more uncertain than ever, but I feel more confident that it will be taken care of. I feel like I am able to dream again.