Monday, September 29, 2008

life makes it so hard sometimes to know whats real

17% raised for Spain: 93 days until I leave!

I had a really strange dream last night. I had to go to Spain to get something for my trip to Spain? Anyway... so in this dream, Halley, Brittany, Dan, Jared and I had to go back to Spain for a couple of days to get some papers signed for my trip. I woke up at 4ish and could not get back to sleep. I just have so many thoughts racing through my head- of what I need to get done, of the money I need to save/raise, the bills and things I need to take care of before I leave, and so much more. Most of all, this dream has me yearning to be back in Spain. In many many practical ways, I am not ready to leave yet, but I feel like emotionally I could leave right now.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I won't stop believing, you alone are God

17% raised: 97 days left

Need some prayer requests lifted up please:
- I need to go get my Visa at some point this month, but I need to have my plane tickets before I can apply. To get the tickets I need to fundraise about another $600. My small group and I are doing a car wash next saturday (more details later) and I am doing a few odd jobs (cleaning, house sitting), but I know that God is going to provide this money from somewhere- I just don't know where

- I also have a few personal financial issues... medical bills, etc, that I would like to take care of before I leave the country.

- My schedule the next couple of months is crazy. I need to find time for myself, for school and for music in addition to the preparations for Spain. I think I have been so stressed lately because I am not good at the time management.

Friday, September 19, 2008

16.5% raised: 104 days left

I am having a hard time staying on track with my schoolwork this semester. Maybe ADD kids should not take online classes. I think I have just once again overbooked myself and now I don't know how to say no to anything. Something has to give and I don't know what it is going to be.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Sing to the Lord, He is worthy of praise

14.7% raised for spain: 107 days until departure!

I recently added a class to my schedule, so I am now in the Red Mountain Chamber Chorale at MCC. This semester we are doing a lot of Spirituals, Hymns and folk songs because... well because that is what the majority of choral music is. After class I got into a discussion with one of the Tenors about church. He and I had a class together last year, he knows where I stand in my faith and we have talked about our beliefs before. I guess he never knew where I went to church, or didn't remember, but today we had a "heated discussion" about church music and what it has become. I mentioned that we don't have a traditional service at Central anymore and I was told that for that reason our church was "not right". "It should not be about the people, it should be about God. You have made church into a free concert for people, instead of bringing them closer to God in worship."

I honestly was so shocked, that I didn't even know what to say. He was making such broad judgments about our music and people. I didn't know how to respond while maintaining a Christ-like attitude. I tried to explain the reasons that the traditional service no longer exists, and that I don't ever feel like church is a concert. I said that we are trying to use music that is relevant to contemporary culture to reach people and bring them to God. If I am being totally honest, sometimes I don't even think about the words when I am singing in chorale. I think you can turn it up and rock out in worship and that it is just as pleasing to God. He gave us the ability to sing and to play these instruments- it seems only fitting to use those gifts to return praise to Him.

This is really rocking me. As a music ed major, I will someday be teaching probably these very same songs to my students. How do I connect with God in these hymns and old spiritual songs in the same way that I do when I am singing at 3F? How can I maintain a Christ-like attitude with this guy in my Chorale?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

letting go gives a better grip

13.5% raised! 112 days until I leave!

This is a video of the last year at En Vivo (thanks again Chris). It gives a pretty good overview of what goes on and some student testimonies from the ministry. If you watch really closely at about the 4 minute mark- Jared and I are in the background for about 5 seconds haha.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

ain't it funny how the time goes by

13.3% raised for Spain! 115 days until I leave AZ!

Starting a few days ago, I have become more emotional than usual. Somehow the reality that I was leaving 3 days earlier for Spain sent me into this downward spiral. Seriously? In the grand scheme of it, 3 days in the course of the next 4 months is almost nothing... and yet here I am. I am not trying to say that God has not blessed me through this process thus far. He continually shows me every day His amazing perfection and new plans for me. I just worry about what will happen while I am gone. I don't even worry for myself. I know that I will be fine in Spain and I cannot wait to see Jesse, Sophie and everyone else there. I worry about what will happen while I am gone. My friends will continue to grow and change, my family will be different, my mom will worry every single day until I get home, I will miss singing in 3F and being with the guys in the band (and Tara when she gets home), I am going to miss out on precious days of my Jr high girls (both old and new) growing up and in their faith. I wonder if this is going to hurt the friendships I have built this last year. I want so much to find that person that God has prepared for me, but is it stupid to look for a relationship when I am leaving the country for 6 months?

I know that it is ridiculous to worry about these things, especially now. I should be enjoying the moments here and saving the memories for the time I am gone. I just can't my mind off of it.

Another Bethany Joy song that I love (and would love to sing)is called "leaving Town Alive" I can't get the embed or the link to work right now... but look it up if you have the time.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

no one else can feel it for you

12.8% raised for Spain: 118 days til I leave!

So everyone knows I am not crazy... yes I know how to count. I realize that my post from 3 days ago says 124 days, so logically today's should say 121 days. I found out this morning that I am leaving on January 1st now and making a small stop in Atlanta, GA for some team orientation, team building, etc. I am getting pretty excited, but still nervous that I am not going to get everything together in time. It is feeling like a lot to do, and not very much time. I am now registered for Universidad de Salamanca, need to send my first tuition payment for that. As soon as I have enough funds raised I will be buying the rest of my plane tickets and then I will be heading out to LA to get my visa! 

I am a little frustrated with plane tickets at the moment... Why is it that I can buy one way tickets from Phoenix to Atlanta, and from Atlanta to Madrid in January, but not from Madrid to Phoenix in June? (maybe this is a sign that I am not supposed to come home) 

Monday, September 1, 2008

the beauty you have now is brighter than before

12.8% raised for Spain: 124 days until I leave!

I have been trying to get back into songwriting lately. It is hard for me because I am not proficient on the guitar or piano, so I almost always need help actually composing the music to go with the melodies... or I end up with really basic chord progressions. I would love to be better and I think I finally have the patience and willingness to learn how to better myself in this area. I just pray that God gives me the courage to actually let other people hear the songs I write. 

Sometimes I have a hard time expressing myself with words, so I allow others to do it for me :) Bethany Joy is one of my favorite singer/songwriters. This is one of my favorite songs right now, and I would love to be able to perform it someday. (ps- I also love her songs "let me fall" and "songs in my pocket" if anyone is bored and would like to look them up)

It's gotta be this one
Don't have to fake it
You know I can take it
What if I told you
Your tears haven't been ignored
And everything that is taken
Can be restored

Feel this, Can you feel this
My heart beating
Out of my chest
Feel this, Can you feel this
Salvation under my breath

It's gotta be disguised
Soul and script
Caught in the mirror
What if I told you
That innocence is yours
And beauty you have now
Is brighter than before