Thursday, June 30, 2011

Living in the Sticky

I feel stuck.

Now don't misunderstand, I am very much content with my life right now. I am so very blessed and I try to recognize that every day. However in many ways in my life I am in limbo. I don't feel like a child, and even though I am almost 26 (eep!) I don't quite feel like an adult. I am working, but don't have a career. I am in college, but don't fit in with the "college students". I want to hold onto the past, but I am so excited for the future. All of my friends are getting married and having babies, and here I am. Just me.

I don't doubt that God has an amazing plan for my life. But sometimes I am so caught up in the business of every day life, that I forget that anticipation of what is to come. The real world is not like the board game LIFE. It is not a race to get married, have the career and have babies to fill up your little car. Our culture has pressed that into us, but I do not believe that is in God's design. The pace of my life is that which is laid out for me. I do worry though that I am not advancing to that next space because of stagnancy or mistakes that are of my own making. How do I make the steps today to take me into the next portion of my life? And just when and where will that be? All I know is that for now I am stuck. There is a lesson to be learned here in the stickiness.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Songs in my pocket, List in my bucket

Inspired by Tara, I have made my own list of life goals and dreams. (T- I stole some of yours, haha) I will probably be adding to this list as time goes on, but I am excited to start checking things off!

1. Become fluent in Spanish

2. Marry the love of my life
3. Have children
4. Open my cupcake store
5. Learn to play an instrument
6. Celebrate New Year’s in NYC
7. Visit Australia
8. Go on a Cruise

Live in another country (again)
10. Be on a tv game show

11. Learn Spanish cooking (especially paella)
12. Take ballroom dance lessons
13. Walk in Jesus and the disciples’ footsteps in the Holy Land

14. Go to Disney World
15. Go on a Route 66 road trip

16. See the Eiffel Tower
17. Go on a tour of Italy
18. See a play on Broadway
19. Visit Four Corners
20. Make a difference
21. Ride in a hot air balloon

22. Adopt a dog
23. See the White House
24. Go to the Cherry Blossom Festival in Washington DC
25. Visit the Seattle Pike Place Market - done
26. Go to La Tomatina in Buñol, Spain
27. Research and create a family tree
28. Visit every U.S. State
29. Pass my business on in our family as a legacy
Go to the Olympics
31. Go on a trip alone

32. Eat crab cakes in Maryland
33. Eat New England clam chowder IN New England
34. Learn to make sushi
35. Serve on a jury - done
36. Bury a time capsule
37. Finish list of 100 books to read, then read them!
38. Save for my children’s education
39. Go kayaking
40. Go to Carnival in Rio de Janeiro
41. Swim with dolphins
42. Stay close with my best friends
43. Change someone's life
44. Paint a mural
45. Be in a talk show audience
46. Drive up the entire west coast
47. Photograph Yosemite National Park
48. Make the crafts on my to-do list (and blog about them)
49. See the northern lights
50. Make a family recipe book to pass on
51. Write a song
52. Do one thing I never thought I would do

Monday, January 31, 2011

Everybody wants to be loved

**I will eventually finish posting recipes from 25 days of baking. Sorry to those who have been waiting for it. I will never again put a deadline like that on myself during the holidays. If there is a recipe you were looking for that has not been posted, email me and I can send it to you.**

I am a people pleaser. I will sacrifice what I truly want if it will keep people from being angry at me. Not to say that I never make people angry... because I certainly do, just that I will avoid it when possible. I often hide what I am feeling or when I am hurt because I fear being disliked. We as human beings give our love so conditionally and take it away so easily. I run away from situations and people who could potentially abandon me or cause me that pain. I am constantly working to prove to myself that I deserve their love, but it also leads me to (sometimes unknowingly) believe that people don't actually love me, just whatever it is they get out of our relationship.

This often becomes a struggle with me and God. It is hard for me to grasp sometimes that there is nothing I can do to make him stop loving me. That while I can live my life in an effort to please Him, I can do nothing to deserve His love. The God of the universe loves me exactly as I am and has made me that way for a purpose. He knows my heart and He is with me in those moments when I am hurt and hiding. I often wrestle with knowing how to show my gratitude, or with remembering that I need to be thankful for all of these things that He brings me, both the good and bad. I lose sight of that attitude of service and having a grateful heart.

I want to live in such a way to change that first sentence from "I am a people pleaser" to "I am deeply loved by God, and because of His love, I am called to be a servant."