So I surprisingly am not dead. Just been busy with school, work and church. I have had a lot of experiences the past few months that have changed the way I see people and made me realize who I need, and who were just the time bombs in my life. I miss Spain more than words can express and half of my heart is still there with everyone. Lately I have run into an issue of prioritizing my life. I think this is partially to fill the void that Spain has left in my life and the lonliness I feel sometimes, so I make myself so busy that I can't think about it. I am not home many nights because of how many commitments I have and it is starting to affect my health. I have been praying for balance, but perhaps I need to change to praying for clarity on what needs to go. I don't want to give up anything, but it may be my only choice for sanity.
I am working to become more introspective and rely more on just me and God to think out my problems. I have had things thrown back in my face too many times and I am tired of having my mistakes brought up over and over. I am only 24 years old. I am still in college. I am ALLOWED to make mistakes and to grow. I don't have to comepletly be an adult yet. I have an amazing, incredible supportive set of parents and an equally awesome sister. I don't tell them enough what they mean to me (another thing to work on) but I know that they are always there for me. I know that I am a sensitive person, but I don't think that necessarily means that I am childish. Which usually means I do about 70% of my thinking with my heart, and the other 30% with my head... but so far that hasn't led me to too many decisions that I have regretted. I just run into issues when I can't explain why I made that choice or when other people in my life can't see the logic (or lack therof I suppose) in my decision.
I truly believe that people live up to the expectations you set for them. In many cases I think this is an issue with vision. You assume someone will act a certain way, so that is the lens you forever view them through, whether that is true or not. They "fail" in your eyes, because that is what you think they will do. Your tainted view becomes your truth. I am just as guilty of this as everyone else. Maybe we all just need to up our expectations for those around us and somehow change to hope for the best.