I want to be better than what I am. I don't claim to ever have it all figured out. In fact I will be the first to tell you that I don't- I try to be as authentic as I can with people. I don't think I have totally figured out the person of Jesus and I don't think I ever will. I might even go as far as to say that when you think you have Jesus figured out, that is when your heart has stopped striving after Him.
I don't really care about looking holy. (take a moment here if you need to) I'm ok if people know that I cry and that I have problems and that sometimes I am just not the woman that I want to be. I am not perfect. Most days I am just doing the best I can. I don't want to appear to be perfect.
This week I am really struggling emotionally. It's hard because I know that I am supposed to be here. I know that I am serving a purpose and that God is going to do amazing things through me and the team here. My Spanish is improving a lot and it gets a little less scary every day to speak to people.
... but... I am really having a hard time building relationships with some of the members of my team. I feel like I am not even sure if they like me, much less love me and care about me. I don't know if this is just me being weird, or if this is another trial like my visa problems and financial struggles. I don't know how to deal with it. I suppose for now I will just keep praying and just do the best I can.
No news on the house yet. We have had an architect out to look at the problem... that was not a good day. There is talk that we may have to petition the city to get it fixed. Please just keep the problem in your prayers and pray for some sunshine in Salamanca so we don't have any more flooding! (not to mention, some sun might be good for my mood)
2 comments:
Hey Cass!! : D
As always, I so love your authentic and honest heart! Thanks for sharing exactly where you're at. I'm so sorry for the struggles and challenges you've been encountering, but remember you're not alone in this, not by a long shot!! You've got me and a buttload of peeps praying you through and for poo poo head satan to get behind you in the name of Jesus!! As for your relationships with your team members, maybe they're struggling too even if it doesn't appear that way. Maybe be authentic with them and share the concerns of your heart. I know when I struggle emotionally, everything becomes huge which is when the enemy gets a foothold and I start projecting and imagining things that really aren't true onto other people. But you're right to pray on it. I too will be praying for your relationships to strengthen and grow deep and also for a ton of SONshine to warm your heart and mind (even in the midst of flooding), for actual sunshine to dry the flood waters, and for your house problems to be fixed and corrected!! Thanks so much for the update!! Love you and miss you a bunch!! xoxoxoxoxoxo
Just know I love you, Cass! I am praying for you and I hope you're having a wonderful time. No matter what, know that you always have at least one friend who loves you tons(I know it's more like a thousand, but hey).
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