The past few days have been really hard. I went to bed crying every night this weekend. I don't know if it is "culture shock" really, or just me being emotional and sick or what. I have just been feeling like I don't fit in, I don't know what my purpose is on this team, and I don't have any friends in Spain. My journal is getting full of me just crying out to God "Why do I feel like this? Why did you bring me here if it is going to be this bad? God- what am I supposed to do?"
BUT yesterday was an amazing day! I started the day by sleeping in (just a little) and when I got up, reading 1st and 2nd Timothy. Journaled for a little while and then went to the campus house. We went out to do "cold outreach" at the comedors (like university cafeterias). Whitney, Meredith and I went to one called Panuelas. We sat with and talked to Mari and Roberto. Just about life, who they are, why they are in Salamanca. We invited them to En Vivo, so we will see if anything comes of that. (please keep all of the people we met in your prayers. We would really like them to become part of our ministry!) After lunch we went for ice cream in the plaza and sat to enjoy the beautiful sun the God has provided this week. Then class :( and Cafe Ingles! I got to meet David, who is going to be my intercambio. (which ps, is NOT an original name here.... when in doubt, his name is probably david) I am really excited about my next meeting with him tonight. Then we had band practice for bible study and it was just so much fun, and yet so calming and normal for me. I think it is probably weird that rehearsal is a de-stresser in my life.
It was just the first day in awhile that I have felt like myself. I almost was starting to think I had lost touch with who I am. I also have been pondering the difference between knowing who you are and whose you are. I think I may have put too many goals for myself up front, and then was disappointed when I was not reaching them immediately. My current plan of action is to knock it off :) I am learning to accept God's direction for my life here and how that looks different from His directions for me at home. My time here is a precious gift and I need to treat it like the blessing it is, but also to make sure that I don't get too wrapped up in not "wasting" time.
On one last note, and I really hate writing about it, please once again keep praying for the finances. I just found out I will not be going to Portugal for Semana Santa (only 2 spots for XC students and they are already taken), so my funding just dropped about $200, but I still have about $1200 more to go to be fully funded. I am trying not to be preoccupied with worrying about money, but its difficult sometimes. I know that God didn't bring me all the way to Spain to let me down, but please just keep my financial situation in your prayers.
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