no ones going to love you more than I do

43%: 31 DAYS!

I have been reading http://postsecret.blogspot.com for a couple of years now. There is this guy who just felt that people had so many secrets, and sometimes no one to tell them to. So he made a decision to be that release for them. People write their secrets on a postcard and send them to him and he updates this blog every week. (I sometimes wonder what his mail carrier thinks) Sometimes the secrets are "inappropriate" or not politically correct, but they all come from a real person, a real hurt. Sometimes they really hit my own a heart a little too closely. Sometimes, feeling their hurt, or realizing that I have the same fear makes me cry. Just ordinary people, sharing their fears and pains. I look forward to every sunday when the new secrets are posted.

loving you is easy

43% raised: 37 DAYS LEFT!!

After my spain team devo today and my emotional roller coaster of a weekend, I have just really been touched by the amazing support I have in my life. My devo was about community. (the verses were 1 corinth 12:14-26, Acts 2:42-47 if you care to read with me today)

I have been surrounded by an amazing community this past year, becoming reinvolved at Central and 3F and being with the best small group ever. I was really wary of 3F, having been hurt by the people who were in the previous college and young adult groups at central. I was truly afraid of people my age and of being hurt again. I took a chance on going to Spain with people I didnt know (or hardly knew at all)After the Spain trip this spring, I decided to give it a second chance and I have just been so blessed. I guess God knows what He is doing sometimes :) The relationships I have built have restored my faith in other people and brought me to a healthy place with myself and with God. I have loved being in the band again and having all of these great Christian guys around. They constantly make me laugh and challenge me musically.

My small group girls have just been the greatest addition to my life this year. It is like having this great, supportive extended family. Halley and Brittany have been with me every step of the way since we came home from Spain. They are the first ones I come to when I am struggling or when something exciting happens. The other girls have all become amazing friends over the past few months. I have known some of them for years, and others I just met this summer, but they are now an irreplacable part of my life. Truthfully, I was worried that we would not be able to bond or form lasting relationships when this group started. I really thought that everyone would flake out and I would be alone, as usual. But we have had some crazy awesome times. I know that they are there for me in hard times, or when things are great. They have helped me prepare to leave for Spain and everything that has meant for me. (Tara- we all can't wait for you to come home and be a part of it!)

Kristine- you are my support and my laughter. I am so glad that we got thrown together with these crazy jh girls. You are in my everyday life, and I know that it will be hard when I am gone... but God will find a way to strengthen us through it. I can't imagine my life without you and I'm not really sure how I made it that long before I met you. <3 you!

I love you all and I will miss you while I am gone. I can't wait to see where God takes us and our relationships. Even as we are thousands of miles apart, we are together with one God and one purpose. We have a worldwide community. Thank you for what you have meant in my life this year, and for where you have helped me grow.

heavy

35%: 41 days!

Just a little over a month to go! Emotionally and physically I am ready to go. Financially... not so much. I am afraid to start packing (or even making packing lists) because I don't want to have to un-pack it all again in the event I can't go. Some people are telling me that maybe this is God's way of telling me no? I just have a hard time accepting that He would let it get this far, just to say no. Would He really break my heart that much? My heart just feels so heavy right now.

I am fresh out of ideas for fundraising. Having a garage sale in a couple of weeks and Richard just gave me some more ideas that I am looking into. (thanks richard!)

you've got my only heart

32%: 51 days!

Every day I wake up and feel like a little bit more of my heart is in Spain... at least the part of it that hasn't been given away :) This gives me more hope every morning that I am making the right choice. The emotional freak outs are fewer and farther between (but I am sure they will be back in full force soon). I have been trying to protect my heart in the event that I don't get to go because of finances (and from another possibly heart-breaking situation), but I think I am in too far now. The pain will be real and it will take a long time to go away. Even just thinking of the possibility.... its not pretty.

Still trying to maintain faith that He will provide in His perfect timing!

31% raised: 53 days.

I am not freaking out as much as I thought I would be at this point. I just wish that the financial stuff would get settled so that I could focus more on other stuff. Ok God. What am I supposed to be learning here?

My little heart is so confused. There are some situations in my personal life that I am not sure what to do about. Do I try and take care of them before I leave? or just let it go until I get home?

change

29% raised: 56 days left

Whether or not you voted for Barack Obama, yesterday was a historic day in our country. Someday we will all get to tell our kids that we were a part of that.

It breaks my heart this morning to see the reactions from our country, especially Christians. There seems to be a sense of panic and fear among those who supported McCain, as if the country is going to end under Obama. There should be no room for this in our lives. We are called to be hope and light to the world. It almost makes me ashamed to see and hear some of the things that Christians are saying about Obama this morning. What kind of light and hope is that?

Our God is bigger than any president and any election, or any economic downfall. He let Barack Obama win because He is going to use that. OUR HOPE IS IN THE LORD, not in the president or the stock market. I think it is time for Christians to move on and support this new phase of our country.

I promise to now step off my soapbox and stay away from politics for awhile. :)

can you hear us?

29%: 57 days

I don't often express my political views. Sometimes this is because I dont feel like I know enough about a certain person/issue, but more than often it is because I am tired of arguing because I may not always feel or vote the way a Christian "should". I hate that some people vote only with a certain party or for people who share the same view on certain issues (especially abortion...) You don't have to be a staunchly conservative Republican to love Jesus. Just because someone does not believe in abortion does not mean they are the best choice for the country. I'm not saying either side is right all of the time- I am just tired of this. It is important to consider the issues, but do not base your decision solely on abortion and gay marriage.

I think what is important to realize is that no matter who our next president is... God is still God. He is still bigger than all of it. He will use it for His purpose and we will all be ok. It may not be in the way we expect or want (it so hardly ever is), But He is still in control of our country and ultimately our lives. He uses imperfect people every single day.

I hope you all took the time to pray for our country and go out and vote today. You don't have a right to complain if you gave up your right to have a part in the decision making process :) Your vote is your voice.