It won't be long before another day

I hate being overworked. I know, even as I am doing it, that I am going down a bad road. A path that leads to less God time, less worship, more selfishness, disconnect from my friends and family... not to mention the physical exhaustion.

I always struggle with balance. I have a feeling this will be a lifelong battle. I think it all boils down to 2 things: lack of trust that I will be taken care of and the inability to say no. The distrustful part says "Oh God, I know you promise that it will be ok, but I still need to do all this work to make sure everything is REALLY ok" and the people pleasing part of me gets me heaping more commitments and tasks on an already teetering pile.

But trying to remove things from the pile is difficult too. Its hard to determine what stays and what goes. And how to take things out without sending everything crashing down. It all comes back to that trust part I suppose. Just give the whole pile over and God will give me back what I need.

I have found lately that its hard to follow your dreams. People generally fall into 1 of 2 camps, totally supportive or complete dream killers. I suppose I shouldn't let the downers get to me, but its difficult sometimes. From the "You do realize it's hard to start a business right now?" to "Oh cupcakes are so trendy, you aren't going to be able to compete with Sprinkles and established businesses". Gee thanks people. I understand that there will be obstacles. I get that its not always going to be easy.

I have to rely on the fact that hard work is rewarded and that I feel like God is really pulling me to this. I wouldn't have changed my school plans (again), brought my sister (and her husband) into this and put so much effort in already if it was just a fling. I am looking forward to learning about how to be a great business owner and employer. I want to be a part of a local business community. I am really excited to finish school and get working on this next chapter in my life. I am just hoping and praying that God will protect my heart through this adventure and keep me from listening to those who want to tear me down.

comment spam?

Does anyone els have a problem with random comments showing up in chinese or something?

I have changed it so that only followers of my blog can comment, so hopefully this will get rid of that problem. :/ (Sorry Romi and Tara bc you are usually the only ones that comment)

there is a purpose for those who wait

Well I officially changed my "concentration of study" today. For the 7th time.

I am now going to be working towards a certificate in Small Business Admin & Management. This will allow me to be done with MCC this May! This is such a relief after 7 years of school (8 or 9 by the time I am done done) After that, plans are a little unsure. I am looking into a couple of culinary programs just for some more experience. All this to work toward the eventual opening of a bakery/coffee shop with my sister (like the girls on DC Cupcakes on TLC, but less drama and more awesome)

This decision has allowed me to feel like a weight has been lifted. I have really been struggling with feeling like I was working toward an unachievable goal and that there was no purpose there. Now that my goals are more short-term and feel more attainable, I can relax a little bit and enjoy the journey more. Plus this means I am taking 13-15 credits this semester instead of 24 - always a plus. More time for baking!

So in addition to my obsession with cupcakes, I have developed two more time-sucking habits: reading cookbooks and reading baking/cupcake blogs. It truly is amazing how much time I will spend doing these! You will note that my "What I Read" section now contains at least 5 baking blogs and expect to see more there soon. I am most inspired by "How To Eat a Cupcake" - another girl named Cassie with a dream to open a bakery (maybe its something in the name? Do all Cassies love to bake?)

A few things I have discovered about myself through this:
- I have no interest in pies. Don't get me wrong, I love to eat a well made pie (mmm pumpkin...) and I love love love cheesecake, which is pie-ish, but I have no desire to make them. I skip over those recipes and scroll right past those entries. Maybe I will just leave that to my parents, My mom makes awesome pumpkin pie and my dad- amazing peppermint cheesecake.

- I don't really love chocolate baked goods. Unless they are mixed with another flavor. HTEAC has a recipe for Neopolitan Cupcakes that looks interesting and I have found a few others, but I find plain chocolate cupcakes to be boring. However, I am never bored by vanilla or butter cakes. Weird. One of my new goals is to find a chocolate cupcake recipe (or make one) that I love.

I will be making some cupcakes today or tomorrow for a dinner tomorrow night. Sometime in there I have to finish paperwork for fall semester, do homework for bible study and get my room in order.

When you dream, dream big

I love to bake. I have always known this. But I recently discovered my love of decorating cakes (cupcakes specifically). I have been playing around with the idea of opening a bakery/coffee shop someday. Realistically, if I could just do music and cupcakes for the rest of my life, I would be the happiest girl ever.

Today I got my first official cupcake job! I will be making 3 dozen summer themed cupcakes for a 5 year olds birthday party on saturday. Honestly, I was a last minute substitute for a flaky cake decorator, but I will take it! I will post photos on my FB page when they are done. This is the start that I needed to this summer. I want to take some decorating classes soon to learn how to work with fondant and other materials, but I think I have done pretty well on my own so far!

I have been praying about the bakery thing and I am waiting to see what God's timing brings in that (and other areas of my life) and to see how school will be this fall.

feeling the same way all over again

It took some time to figure out, but I have discovered why this week has been so hard- I came home from Spain one year ago. I think it is hard to accept that. I think the hardest part of it is how alone I feel. No one here really understands what I went through and the experiences I had (T- you come close though). Everyone lives in Georgia or is away at school and I feel abandoned. Of course we all said "We will stay in touch" but it has faded as time has pressed on. I know that they still care and that it is just life being busy and getting in the way, but that doesn't stop it from hurting.

And then I wonder if that is how God feels about us. Our lives "get in the way" of spending time with Him. We get so caught up that we forget to tell our Daddy how much we love Him. I think this is as humbling as it is challenging. How many times am I guilty of putting school or work or even sleep above that time. And I don't even feel that He asks that much from us. How much would a few minutes a day brighten His heart? We are His beloved children and as such, He longs to have that relationship with us.